Photo Credit: Yogendra Singh

Do you ever feel like you can't control your emotions, or are you struggling to manage the emotions of others around you? Well, you're not alone. The reality is that many of us struggle with regulating our emotions and, unfortunately, unhealthy displays of emotion can be passed along from generation to generation. If you’re struggling to make sense of the powerful emotions in your family history, it may help to understand how emotional dysregulation is modeled. This blog post looks at generational patterns of anger behavior, providing insight into how these patterns show up, and guidance on developing emotional regulation for a healthier future.

Defining Generational Anger & Emotional Dysregulation

By “generational anger,” we are referring to the unhealthy expressions of anger and nonconstructive methods of release that often run in families, while emotional dysregulation describes the difficulty of managing one's emotions effectively. To understand generational anger, we must first examine the experiences of previous generations. Our ancestors may have had to face various stressors that shaped their emotional regulation. These experiences may include trauma, poverty, war, and oppression, among others. Unfortunately, the unresolved emotions from these experiences can pass down through generations, which may lead to all-consuming emotions, impaired judgment, and impulsive behaviors. To be clear, anger itself is not a negative emotion and it may be a justified response stemming from a sense of injustice or disenfranchisement. Anger has been the fuel for many movements, artistry, and achievements that have changed the course of history. Anger is a welcomed emotion and emotional regulation is a welcomed skill. By understanding these concepts, we can delve deeper into the root influences of our emotional responses and work towards creating a society that fosters healthy emotional regulation throughout generations.

Examining the Psychological Impacts of Unhealthy Displays of Anger

Anger is a natural emotion that everyone experiences, but the way we express our emotions has a lasting impact on those around us, especially on the young ones in our lives. Unhealthy displays of anger, such as yelling, lashing out, and reckless rage, can be learned behavior. Children who are exposed to caregivers that frequently exhibit uncontrolled outbursts of anger often struggle with their own emotions and may develop unhealthy coping mechanisms as a result. Moreover, children that grow up in households where anger is constantly present can experience various psychological symptoms such as decreased self-esteem, anxiety, and depression. Observing such behavior can also lead children to normalize this behavior and model it themselves, perpetuating the cycle of unhealthy anger displays. Awareness of this pattern, and recognizing the psychological impacts of explosive anger, is important in breaking the cycle and taking steps to managing emotions in a healthy and constructive way.

Understanding the Role of Emotional Regulation in the Release of Anger

When it comes to understanding the role of emotional regulation in the release of anger, it's important to recognize that emotions are not just random feelings that arise out of nowhere. They are closely tied to our experiences, values, and perceptions, and they can impact the way we interact with others, particularly those in our own family. The way caregivers react to situations influences how children react in similar situations so it’s important to focus on our own emotional regulation by recognizing how we communicate our feelings in times of anger. By taking steps to model healthy behaviors and teach effective communication skills, we can break the cycle of unhealthy displays of anger and create a more positive environment for ourselves and others.

Creating a Supportive Environment Around You for Long-Term Emotion Regulation

The home is where children first learn about relationships, communication, and emotions, making it a significant factor in shaping their emotional regulation skills. It is important to observe how caregivers respond to a child's emotional outbursts and how they model emotional regulation themselves. Research has shown that emotions are contagious. Therefore, if we grow up in an environment where people around us regularly display explosive anger, it can be challenging to regulate our emotions and cultivate a regulated emotional state. A good way to break the cycle of generational anger is to take responsibility for our emotions and manage our emotional state.

Managing our emotions can be challenging, especially when life throws us curveballs. However, creating a supportive environment around us can make all the difference in being able to regulate our emotions over the long-term. This includes surrounding ourselves with compassionate and uplifting people, establishing a routine that promotes self-care, and engaging in activities that bring us joy and peace. By making intentional choices and setting boundaries, we can cultivate an environment that nourishes our mental and emotional health. By learning to regulate our emotions, we can change the way we respond to stressful or triggering situations and break the cycle of inherited anger. This process requires honesty, vulnerability, and a willingness to examine our own emotional responses, but the rewards of building healthier, more positive relationships with those we love are well worth the effort.

Identifying Coping Mechanisms to Help Move Away from Unhealthy Outlets for Anger

When we keep our feelings bottled up or express them in unhealthy ways, the results can be detrimental to both our physical and mental health. Physically, anger has been linked to increased blood pressure¹, heart rate¹, and heart disease². The intergenerational transfer of anger can be a deeply ingrained issue within families, manifesting in unhealthy outlets such as substance abuse, intimate partner violence, physical assault, and unresolved conflicts. However, it is possible to break this cycle by identifying and utilizing healthy coping mechanisms. Healthy outlets can mean journaling, talking to a trusted friend or loved one, joining an organization to gain awareness on an issue, contacting policy-makers, participating in stress-reducing activities like exercise or meditation, and the list goes on! By investing time and effort into these approaches, we can learn to express ourselves in healthy ways and move forward with healthier relationships.

Practicing Healthy Ways to Manage and Express Your Feelings

One of the practical ways to improve emotional regulation is through mindfulness practices. Mindfulness involves awareness and acceptance of emotions as they arise in the moment. Through mindfulness practice, we learn to observe our thoughts and emotions without judgment and choose how to respond to situations carefully. Another useful technique to deal with emotional dysregulation is deep breathing exercises. Deep breathing can help curb our anxious or angry emotions by activating the "relaxation response" in our body. As a result, it reduces the intensity of our emotions and enables us to think more clearly.

How Therapy Can Help!

Therapy is a beneficial tool to help us manage our emotions and address generational anger. A therapist can help further exploration of our emotions, so we understand them better. With Emotionally-Focused Therapy, a therapist can help us understand the roots of our relational conflict, all-consuming emotions, and how to work to reduce the impact of them. Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is a helpful approach that focuses on the relationship between our thoughts, emotions, and actions, along with techniques to reframe unhelpful thought patterns. Dialectical-Behavior Therapy (DBT) is another approach that focuses on managing overwhelming emotions through mindfulness, emotional regulation techniques, distress tolerance, and interpersonal effectiveness skills. With the help of a therapist, these approaches (and others) can help us gain the tools to rewrite the scripts that trigger emotional dysregulation.

Understanding the way unhealthy displays of anger are passed down through generations, practicing emotional regulation skills, and identifying our preferred healthy coping mechanisms can lead to more beneficial ways to manage and express our feelings. Intergenerational trauma is something that affects many families which can be addressed through creating a supportive environment around you and taking proactive steps such as seeking counseling or engaging in group activities like self-care practices. It’s important to remember that we all deserve the right to take care of our mental health and get the support we need. If you, or someone you know, is struggling with emotional regulation or how to appropriately manage their emotions, please contact Paper Cranes Counseling for a free consultation.

Sources:

1. Santos-Longhurst, A. (2023b, February 3). Do I Have Anger Issues? How to Identify and Treat an Angry Outlook. Healthline.

https://www.healthline.com/health/anger-issues#symptoms

2. Kam, K. (2007, February 12). Rein In the Rage: Anger and Heart Disease. WebMD. https://www.webmd.com/heart-disease/features/rein-in-rage-anger-

heart-disease

Shavonne James, LCSW is a Licensed Clinical Therapist and founder of Paper Cranes Counseling, a private group practice connecting wellness seekers with culturally-affirming, holistic, care. They have openings for individuals that are working through matters of identity, interpersonal relationships, and the inner child. Contact them at www.papercranescounseling.com