Are My "Mommy Issues" Drenched in Internalized Misogyny?
Are My "Mommy Issues" Drenched in Internalized Misogyny?
Photo Credit: Jonatas Domingos
Have you ever stopped to ponder where our "mommy issues" end and where the shadow of internalized misogyny begins? It's a tricky terrain, peppered with emotions, societal expectations, and, occasionally, a heavy dose of reality checks that many of us are hesitant to cash.
Imagine this: A mother tirelessly juggles the incessant demands of work and home, all while grappling with the societal magnifying glass scrutinizing her every move. Does this story sound familiar? It’s a narrative shared by countless individuals, highlighting the Herculean tasks mothers are expected to master, often at the expense of their sanity and happiness.
What Exactly Are "Mommy Issues" and Internalized Misogyny?
The term, colloquially referred to as, "mommy issues" often manifests as a spectrum of emotional and behavioral patterns that arise from one's relationship with their mother during childhood and adolescence. These can range from dependency issues, trust issues, to difficulties in forming close relationships, particularly with women. Some might struggle with setting boundaries, harbor feelings of inadequacy, or battle a constant need for approval and validation. It's a term broadly used to encapsulate how foundational experiences with our mothers can shape, for better or worse, our emotional landscape as adults. While it might carry a somewhat simplistic label, the depth and breadth of "mommy issues" are vast, touching on deep-seated feelings that influence our interactions and perceptions well into adulthood. When we stir in a pinch (or a hefty scoop) of internalized misogyny, the complex cocktail of unresolved emotions becomes even more potent.
Internalized misogyny refers to the involuntary internalization by women of the sexist messages that are present in their societies and culture. This means that sometimes the undue criticism or unrealistic expectations we have for our mothers, and subsequently ourselves, may be deeply marinated in societal prejudices against women.
Recognizing the Symptoms
How do we recognize when our personal struggles are seeping into the swamp of internalized misogyny? Here are a few signs:
Holding your mother or yourself to unattainable standards of perfection.
Feeling resentment towards your mother for not fulfilling certain roles or expectations dictated by society.
Criticizing feminine traits or roles traditionally associated with motherhood, without a critical examination of one's biases.
How it Shows Up in Real-life: A Glimpse Into Complexity
Let's take Jess, who resented her mother for not being the career-driven role model she yearned for, only to realize her judgment was clouded by society's undervaluing of "traditionally female" roles like caregiving. Then there’s Anthony, who internalized the belief that showing vulnerability, a trait he associated with his mother, was a sign of weakness. These stories highlight the intricate dance between personal grievances and societal prejudices.
Breaking the Cycle
The good news? The cycle of internalized misogyny can be broken, and here's how you can start:
Introspection: Reflect on your beliefs and feelings towards your mother and yourself. Are they truly yours, or are they inherited from societal norms?
Education: Learn about feminism and the myriad ways misogyny manifests, both overtly and covertly.
Open Dialogue: Have honest conversations with others about your experiences and beliefs. You're not alone in this.
Seek Support: Individual therapy or group therapy can provide a safe space to explore these issues further.
The Pillar of Support: Community and Mental Health
No one should have to navigate these waters alone. The support of a community—be it local groups, individual therapy, or even friends and family—can be the buoy that keeps you afloat. Together, we can dismantle these harmful narratives and pave the way for healthier relationships with our mothers and ourselves.
Looking Ahead
It's time for us to peel away the layers of complexity surrounding our "mommy issues" and internalized misogyny, shining a light on the shadows they cast in our lives. By facing these challenges head-on, we champion not just our well-being, but also that of future generations.
If this post has stirred something within you, I encourage you to share your thoughts, reach out for support, and continue to seek knowledge. Every step taken is a step towards healing, understanding, and ultimately, empowerment. For one-on-one work with one of our therapists, Paper Cranes Counseling, can help you navigate the murky waters of familial relationships and identifying whether internalized misogyny is keeping you from experiencing more fulfilling relationships with yourself and others.
Further Reading:
Embarking on the road to understanding and healing from "mommy issues" and internalized misogyny can be a profound and enlightening experience. To aid in this journey, here are five insightful books that offer diverse perspectives and valuable wisdom on the topic:
"The Dance of the Dissident Daughter" by Sue Monk Kidd - A poignant exploration of a woman's awakening to the feminine divine and how this transformation impacts her relationship with her mother and herself.
"Mothers Who Can't Love: A Healing Guide for Daughters" by Susan Forward - This book offers a clear-eyed guide for daughters in seeking healing from unresolved issues with their mothers, coupled with practical advice for overcoming the legacy of hurt.
"Reviving Ophelia: Saving the Selves of Adolescent Girls" by Mary Pipher - Although focused on adolescent girls, this book sheds light on how societal pressures and expectations can shape and sometimes distort the mother-daughter relationship.
"Women Who Run With the Wolves: Myths and Stories of the Wild Woman Archetype" by Clarissa Pinkola Estés - A classic exploration of the feminine psyche through myths and stories, offering insights into personal growth and understanding the inherited influence of female roles.
"The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love" by bell hooks - While this book focuses on masculinity, it’s a crucial read for understanding how societal norms impact both men and women, and how both can work towards healthier notions of gender and relationships.
These books serve as gateways to deeper understanding and healing, offering both personal narratives and professional insights that illuminate the path forward.